Poetry by Brandon WordSmith — exploring love, loss, faith, and the human experience. The site loads its full interactive experience with JavaScript; what follows is the readable text version.
Disgusted by your decadence
I’m retching at your wretchedness
Your gluttony, a tragedy
Your selfishness is gagging me
Excess expressed perpetually
Protect assets so fretfully
Expect the best, reject the rest…
I'm becoming quite familiar with my pain -
Carefully, and intimately inspecting it
Observing it closely, from all angles
Learning every curve, crevice and crease
Calculating its dimensions with precision
Quantifying its characteristics with acuity and acumen
Estimating exactitudes of extremity
Analytically assessing stressors…
In the presence of possible perfection,
Impossible perception?
In concept, yes; The lesson?
I question.
Second guess exceptions
Regress to less-than, stressin'…
I was bruised and I was hurting
In my weakness, was a burden
Though your strength sustained me through
It clearly took its toll on you
And though I hate you went away
I am amazed how long you stayed
The simple words here I will say…
Anchor my roots in Your dirt by the river
The Savior’s pursuit mends the hurts at my center
Amazing that You seek the worst of all sinners
And blatantly prove You’re a perfect forgiver
I’m certain You heal and bind up all my hurting
That You will improve how I feel; lighten burdens
Observing Your Word, as I’m still finding purpose…
The stillness of the chillest air
Instills some feelings of despair
The leaves are leaving trees so bare
Completing seasons we’ve all shared
Now warmth is growing, Light’s increased
Our hope has formed as nights have ceased
The old’s eroding, groans and griefs…
The blood on these walls is so beautiful
I scratched all my nails down to their cuticles
I numbed all the pain with pharmaceuticals
This ending to my life’s so suitable
I ran off everyone who ever knew me
I knew not what I do, was quite unruly
These mistakes have taken over, they overgrew me…
Earth’s built at a tilt that I am not aligned to
It’s certain I should work in a way I’m not designed to
To wit: this must be it, and all there is that I’m confined to
But if you think like this, then shit, they’ve been able to blind you!
Have you longed to be so lost that one could never ever find you?
Or to go so far into the dark you don’t know what’s behind you?
Wondered how’d life be without your thoughts there to remind you…
Adrift amid desolate waters
I recollect the depths the wetness hides
The surface, this thin boundary
Divides the separate sides
As I recall the wrecks that led me to
The depths of water Grey
I see the deep beneath me’s…
Another relationship ends in disaster
Why can I not seem to find what I’m after?
For two to be one, ’till death do us part
To love and to hold, with all of our hearts
The concept is simple, the idea is trite
So why should it be such a chore to get right?
I accept your flaws, and you accept mine…
There’s a hole in my heart the size of your love
Try to keep it below but it’s rising above
And it’s spreading and snaking its way through enough
That I’m sitting here saying this stuff is too much
And I’m wishing and praying that you’d disappear
Wanna be left alone, but I look, you’re still here
And the unknown you know, is my life’s biggest fear…
Make this place amazing
And I’ll stay for many days
But take away this great escape
And I may fade into the gray
Of such despair that there
Are hardly terms I find that could compare
To match the horror of this beauty…
You’re insane to be happy
So I must bring you down
Your smile, it attacks me
So with me you must frown
Your success is a threat
To the chains that I’m bound
I cannot fly with you
So we’ll both hit the ground…
I see with different eyes
I hear with other ears
Transparent now the lies
The truth so very clear
The grip that had a hold
Has slipped and been released
The dark that was so cold…
Your memory’s attached to all that I know
Your essence is with me wherever I go
The pain that I feel’s getting hard not to show
I want it to end but it’s fading so slow
And I know that your love I don’t even deserve
And that fact seems to touch such a sensitive nerve
Though I wish we could try again, making “us” work…
If you are here and reading this
I probably understand
Why you are desperate, searching
For a single helping hand
Amid these middle fingers
That this world thrusts right at you
You’re seeking some relief…
By God we're molested
It's called "being tested"
For His Holy Sake
We are beaten and raped
Just so He's entertained
We get suffering, pain
And then we take the blame…
My body is my puppet
And my mind the puppet master
It pulls the strings that bring the things
My mind thinks it is after
It craves the way (to your dismay)
That life’s a big disaster
But in the end it’s just pretend…
The birds are laughing at me again…
It must be nature’s way of informing me that I wasn’t formed fit for survival
That though I break the cycle
My genes are not vital
And won’t recycle into another version of myself with a different title
So I remain idle,…
Rip the head off, shove it through
All the eyes can see is you
All they seem to do is stare
But body doesn’t seem to care
There’s lightning drops through trees of rain
I wish that God would cease this pain
But harder that I seem to pray…
I feel as if the floor below
Is caving in beneath me
That I will fall so deep I know
That no one else can reach me
It seems the things I think are true
Unfailingly deceive me
And all the good I try to do
Just fades away completely…
Her lips are an Elixir
I Sip as I kiss her
It’s Sick how I’ve missed her
The Distance betwixt her
And I was quite trying
There’s no use denying
Though once I was crying…
We were together just a season
Still, effects have lasted years
And we never find a reason
When our Fates decide to veer
From where we thought we just might go
We find we’ve ended up right here
And though we stooped to quite a low
We never had the slightest fear…
I’m sick, I’m done, I’m through
With walking all this way just to
Give up at edges of the ledges
That I wish to dive from to
Down to the ground to make the sound
Of body pounding pavement found
…
Your pain is mine, I feel it deep
And for your bind these lashes weep
Your road is long and wide and steep
But still upon it do you keep
And so I’m forced to shy away
To wait till you realize and say
That you must save your life today…
You can burn me, I won’t club you
You can push me, I won’t shove you
You can hate, but I will love you
As I soar so far above you
You can steal, and I’ll still give
And you can kill but I will live
And you may bend, but I’ll stay stiff…
You just resist me to make me stronger
You hurry me so it can last a little longer
And now you’ll see the grief you reap and place upon me
And we’ll look back and see all of this quite fondly
And oddly I’m out for the first go-around
But I’m struck by the fact that your kindness abounds
I’ve unwound, and I’ve found that the Light in the tunnel…
My heart doesn’t beat at the same frequency, you see
Cause for me it beats a sweet heavenly melody
That is free to them that see peace and ease
Instead of tragedy
Who see good instead of the bad they had to see
Who stay glad, not mad
By saying “can’t” and “flee”
Whose answers see…
Life is what you make it
You can build or even break it
It is just the way you take it
And however you may fake it
You have faith but you forsake it
You have eyes that are quite vacant
And you need to learn some patience…
I don’t know where I’ve been
I don’t know where I’m going
And all that I am doing
Is doing what He’s showing
To some it surely seems
His mighty wind is blowing
And though you feel the chill…
I’ve come into this place
From very far away
A distant side of space
Where black and white are gray
I don’t know what to say
But use your nouns and verbs
To always get my way…
Cleansed from my sins
I fall back in again
And begin to defend
All my darkest of whims
And I spin myself wildly out of control
As I dig myself deeper into my dark hole
In this well that I’ve fell…
One is just too many
A thousand, not enough
A hunger you can’t fill
A never-ending lust
At start a simple spark
By end a raging blaze
A life of ash and dust…
Blending in again
Pretending I am one of them
Erase what I'm about
To take my place among the crowd
Invisibility
Is all that's really left of me
I wish someone could see…
Your ways conjure pictures of a kind of place
Beyond Time and space
Where lines are erased and confines are replaced
With a kind of timeless grace
Designed to find a bright Angel’s face
Amongst unlikely waste
Your essence has expressed itself exceptionally…
Tonight, the stars have aligned
They’re Divinely designed
And in spite of my life and my mind
All I find
Is all is just fine
And all of this time
You’ve been behind as my guide
…
Fate twisted reflection
Locked in a gaze
Both seeing ourselves
Inside of each other
We were more than lovers
Twins of dual mothers
Stuck inside this haze
Of amazing mazes…
These pages blaze as I shape great escapes
For playful playmates nine-eighths grateful
For my taking hate and replacing it with faith
‘Cause I don’t feign
But maybe fake fame
As a phase of this face
That has been changed…
I’m at your feet, I hate to beg
I shouldn’t have to, so you’ve said
But for each tear my lashes shed
Each seems to equal drops you’ve bled
And so each time the moisture spreads
I watch my choices in my head
And question how you could accept…
Your love has been replaced with a razorblade
An amazing safe place that evades pain
Erasing in reverse, a curse placed upon skin
That hurts and shirks all our worth within
My heart’s thin, and malnourished
Why must we end when we began to flourish?
I have no courage, no trust in myself
Nobody else,…
This crest is pretty sketchy
In a very etch-a-way
I’m blessed by this expressive
Blessing that You’ve fetched my way
Instead of all I’ve bled
Just being left to waste away
I’m fed by daily Bread…
I never feel more alive than right at that time
When my mind has declined reason and rhyme
And decided to fly to a higher climb
To the Divine
A place where angels dine
And there’s no crime
All’s always fine…
Just what you see is what will be
Not just for me – you, I, and we
But see the glitter in your dreams
And sing the songs of all the Kings
And this is just how it should seem
With you right here, how Good can be
…
Weave me dreams I can’t conceive
But leave the seams so I’ll believe
And understand all in this land
Was planned and formed by Dancing Hands
That all expanse of plants and trees
Were planted so I’d glance and see
Remind each time I pant and breathe…
I cannot stand to see you fade
To watch you as you slip away
To see the look upon your face
As all your rainbows change to grey
The colors that once shone so bright
Now plain as day and dark as night
I wish you’d not give up this fight…
You can laugh at me
But actually
There’s a catastrophe
That’s gonna come right after me
It’ll capture, seize
And attack with disease
And all blackness will freeze
But then naturally…
You’re abused and you don’t care
You feel pain, but aren’t aware
You explain, and try to share
But you are shamed by those who stare
Your face is plain, emotions bare
You are insane, people are scared
Who is to blame?
You are apparently…
Kill me curse me bash me hate me
Fill me nurse me lash me greatly
Beat me till my blood runs out
And bash your fists into my mouth
And stab some blades into my eyes
Attach some gashes to my thighs
…
You wear masks to hide your rotting faces
You never think twice bout the pain it replaces
Shapeless, you morph into any form deformed or perfect
Is it worth it? Should you curse it?
Should you fall to your face and just worship?
Certain, we call out to places unseen
Like some dumb dreams…
I cut my feet so that every step will be a reminder of who I am
Voices in my head talk me off to sleep, as tears fall down my cheek
I am nothing without the Beauty that lives in the sky
Diamonds can’t be broken, so why even try
It’s a lie that belies the greatest of fears
I’m talking tears, spheres, and a few beers
That’s right, I’m yelling, excelling and telling that I’m failing
Laugh about it for sure, you perv, this is what you deserve…
We’re addicted to our lives
We try so hard to hide
We sing our lullabies
While we slowly die inside
We drift from sea to sea
To see what we can see
But in the end our dreams…
Perpetual youth is a thing best attained
By spending time you gain on those less vain
It’s insane, but age has a way of delaying
Blame and other such strangely painful things
But all the same, it’s simply plain to resist
I mean, that is ignorance is bliss
Just a kiss, and the frog is a prince…
She's better than you'll ever be
So drown now in your jealousy
I hate that you don't cherish me
But you're too good apparently
So play your little stupid games
And turn our love to cupid flames
It seems that I've been duped, insane…
In life I’ve found out lots
And as near as I can tell
You have to take the shots
And things aren’t always well
No matter where you turn
Some things are hard to see
One thing that I’ve learned…
Come with me! Leave your body behind
The time for the unlocking of your mind has arrived
No use blocking, your eyes must defy the sunshine
You will find stopping so bright but realize
There’s no use trying to stop it, take our lives
Pop it, close your eyes tight and get ready to fight
For your life, what sun would burn your eyes lifted to flight?…
Leave your mind behind
Read between the lines
See beyond confines
Sea, the pond, and pines
Believe you’re wrong, imply
Release, you’re gone, now die
It’s peace, so long, goodbye…
Rainbow jellyfish
Float through the sky!
Fairy dust, Fairy dust
Eye for an eye
Tiny vortex starland
Twinkle twinkle by
Pixie dust, pixie dust
Life is but a lie…
Standing here staring
I’m glaring
And daring you to breathe
Release another fetal reason to bleed
Upon streets of gold leading me to believe
These pieces ease leastly diseases
Feasted upon these seasons of grief…
Why don’t people like me?
I often wonder why
I cannot seem to please them
However hard I try
The nicer that I am
The more ignored I get
The more I treat them well…
Were it me one with you
Then I’d be what you choose
And you’d see from your view
This fresh me that is new
I can see and I’m sure
Of your sweetness so pure
But your secrets are blurred…
Something sang to me a song of inconsistency
And so I questioned what it really meant to me
And I decided that it was just meant to be
and felt the pain release quite instantly
Like myself falling on my face flat against me
and spinning into space so freely and simply
So empty and hollow, yet still do I follow…
Our life is a luxury we don’t enjoy
And sadness the worker we often employ
Our attitudes negative day after day
Instead of enjoying we wish life away
Our mouths they are laughing to hide our malaise
And put on a front for each eye that may gaze
They’re curving on upward and forming a grin
Our lips they are smiling to hide what’s within…
I’m staring at before
And now for sake of grief
I’m lying to myself
And playing make-believe
Pretending what we were
Was more than what it was
And though I may embellish it
It matters not, because……
The life inside has died
It does no good to close my eyes
For in my mind I can still see
The sum of what we used to be
So now from me I must subtract
The part of you that I now lack
And distance ‘tween us multiplies…
Again have I fell
I am mad with myself
And the distance has grew
And I’m farther from You
So myself I attack
Cause I cannot get back
And I want to just bow…
Whispering regrets through air
Struggle so hard not to care
Concern seems so tied to pain
Try to not to stop the rain
The consequences are so vast
Wish that I could change the past
Wish that it I could erase…
When the only good thing in your life leaves you
And you know you are to blame
It becomes difficult to swallow
The truth of the matter
It becomes difficult to push it deep
Down into the dark recesses of your heart
And to hopefully forget it was ever there
And you do, for a while, forget…
Alcohol swabs get me ready to accept
The needle into my vein
In it goes, releasing its warm, precious cargo
Straight to my brain, body, mind and soul
I’m being prepped for surgery
And boy are these nurses friendly
I wonder if-
…
Homogeneous mechanical melting pot
Fluorescence blinking a thousand times per second
One blink for every person that walks by
One by one, all in a line they go by
But in the blink of an eye
They’re gone
All of this
Destroyed…
Circular reflections distort trees
Swaying in the breeze
Filter out what’s bad, and just breathe
Release tension, make sure to mention
What it is that bothers you genuinely
Be honest, and take your one-step premium injection
What bothers me is rejection…
Your hole is a black one
I cannot escape
Etched in my memory’s
Your pretty face
Wherever I go
I can’t get away
I want you to leave
But inside you stay…
I can feel myself rising with the smoke
Up to meet the sky in broad daylight
Drifting up until I bang my brain
On an errant cloud
And the entire sky collapses on top of me
Swallowing me deep into the darkest pit
Of a God-shaped void drilled directly into my heart
…
I feel it again burning deep from within
Feel it creep down my skin to the ink in this pen
On this paper a flavor of favor to read
A few players relate like the Savior you need
You were made to be seen and I hate that it seems
That I waste all my genes by just chasing these dreams
…
The sky is falling
I’m screaming and calling
War blades are glistening
But nobody’s listening
Famine is coming
But no one is running
The Word does reveal…
The road is crooked and the streets are wavy
I’m the chauffeur that is driving myself crazy
The wheel’s hard to turn and my hands get lazy
But still I just keep on drivin myself crazy
People may suck and the world may hate me
But only I have the power to drive myself crazy
The depths of hell, they impatiently await me…
The walls of life are crashing down
I cannot find a way to feel
My legs are amputated, still
I find emotions stay concealed
I love to sleep, except the world
Wants me to act like I’m awake
And so I now must always try…
My God, why do I feel so worthless?
All I want to do’s your purpose
But I know not where to start
For you have left me in the dark
And so with hands through life I’ll feel
Until your light turns on, reveals
The path that’s narrow, very straight…
If you’re sick, I want to heal you
If you’re evil then I’ll kill you
If you have a loving heart
Then you and I shall never part
I’ll heal your wounds when you are cut
And I will free you when you’re stuck
And if I see you self-destruct…
This is a kill yourself list
Hit your head with your fist
Take razors to your wrists
And drink rum till you’re so pissed
You place the barrel of a gun
Under your tongue and place your thumb
Upon the trigger but I figure…
Delusional illusion, confused and used to bruises
The fuse is the problems reduced to tightened nooses
The truth is, life couldn’t hang me if it tried
I refuse it from insanely deep inside
I can prove it, you just name the place and time
I’ll remove it, turn around and face the tide…
If we loved everyone as our child,
The world would be a better place
And if you do not run
You can’t finish the race
The world is made of rock
Surrounded endlessly by space
Your pupils shine like lasers
And rainbows form your face…
There’s nothing more in the world
That will make you truly happy
It’s all inside, now hidden
Between cracks in a broken heart
Adorned in anguish-stricken purple
Photographed as novelty of the month
According to desire of pleasure…
My teardrops keep on falling
The steady river never halts
It matters not what causes them
It’s still somehow my fault
I live for crumbs and morsels
Hope for diamonds in this rough
No matter how much work I do…
The leaves paint pictures on my walls
For me to see as they sway back and forth
In the breeze, calmly casting complex
Shadows for me to appreciate
The same wind that moves these trees
Also carries away clouds, dreams, and loose paper
Quietly, away and out of reach they go…
We’re parallell lines
And I can see you from where I am
Always right next to me
And yet so distant
Our lines never cross
Our paths never intersect
We never come together…
Someone please release me
From this terrible disease
I’m aching, shaking, waiting
For some kind of sweet relief
Oh, lift me up, or tear me down
It matters not the least to me
Just take away, or take my brain…
I know you’re there somewhere
But where, I just don’t know
This world, it moves so quickly
But these moments pass so slow
And if I could I’d serve you
Till the very day I die
But knowing that I can’t…
Up and at ‘em, rise and shine!
Take your place in back of line
It will be big, but start off small
And you’ll avoid your wake up call!
Get out of bed, and rub those eyes
You’re in for quite a large surprise
You must be short before you’re tall…
I saw a shadow last night
Not the kind you see on walls
It lived in three dimensions
And through the air it crawled
It had no face or features
But its outline was so clear
It caused me to be frightened…
Seven AM came too soon
I’d give up anything for noon
And as noon passed us out of sight
I’d long to then have till midnight
And as midnight to past would go
I’d wish to then have time be slowed
And as the darkness faded ‘way…
My Lord, My God, protect me
Please don’t let them get me
Please have them not succeed
You know my every need
My Savior, make them humble
Please cause their plans to fumble
Please let Your Love surround me…
The streetlights drape and cover the world,
Their light stretches through the inky depths
The soft orange glow faintly outlines
And traces its way firmly into the darkness,
Casting shadows behind all objects lucky enough
To be within reach of their warm iridescence
I sit alone, in the dark…
How selfish I can be
To see it all the way I see
And to ignore the fact that I
Could be the things that I deny
Because although viewed as a curse
My life could be so very worse…
I am a drop of water
Dripping down into the sea
And of this grandest puzzle
I am a single piece
I am a single pixel in
This screen that I reside
I am a single star among…
Beauty, you simply
Now tempt me again
And I’m forced to resist
The commencement of sins
Though I try and deny
Building fences within
I was lied to again…
You don’t know what you do to me
You cannot comprehend it
Your hands are reaching, ripping open
Wounds I thought had mended
Your sweet lips they utter
Words of another
Not words of those who
Should be a lover…
Why am I happy one minute
And then so sad the next?
Why is it that I never seem
To know what to expect?
Why is it I lose control
And then I gain it back
When I’m ready it just sits…
Time itself freezes in your prescence
The hands of clocks, they slow
And when you walk so swift
The world is quick in tow
Just so you know how wowed I am
That you’ve allowed me to be in
And to begin my life anew…
When I do you don’t
And when I want you won’t
When I can’t, you will
When I stop, you still
When I give, you take
When I mend, you break
When you fight, I shield…
Let me be the conduit
Through which you manifest
Let me be the one in whom
Your trust you will invest
Let me be the lantern that
You channel through your light
Let me be the sharpest blade…
I’m sitting here so silently,
And restless in my chair
Pouring my heart through this screen
To make others aware
To show them what it’s like inside
A heart as dark as mine
While wrapping words around my throat,…
I’m weeping for your pain
I feel sorrow for your scars
I wonder what you felt
As you left to meet the stars
Dying for my anger
And my sin, it’s just the same
Those mistakes were mine…
We are all the same
Just in different stages
We’re just great big animals
Locked in different cages
Happiness controls us
Authority’s our leash
Always something in our way…
I’m lying to myself again..
Sometimes I remember when
I didn’t feel this way
When I would welcome every day
But now I dream with dread
And loathe the sun instead
…
I’m like this always, you see
It’s not you, this is me…
I mean we, well you know
Is it starting to show?
I don’t know, but I know
That the faster I go…
Help me, I’m coming apart at the wrists
How can my yelling and screaming be missed?
Am I invisible or does nobody care?
I’ve done all I can to make people aware
That I need their help, or I’ll surely backslide
And this time I’m not sure that I will survive
It’s survival of the fittest, I’m not fit enough…
I can smell Heaven in your hair
Taste infinity in your kiss
And see universes in each glint in your eyes
So paralyzed
And overcome by you
To realize
You’re mine
…
Some days I sit and wonder how I ended up this way,
And why just when I feel that Peace, it so soon fades away,
It seems that all things crumble, never left instead to stay,
And when I reach my end, you lift your head, look up and say:
“This world can be your kingdom, if you want, then take it all,
The power’s in your hands to make your problems all be solved,
And if your heart decides to answer to a different call,…
You are square, and I am round
My hole’s right here, yours can’t be found
And so what now are we to do?
I won’t go through if you can’t too
You say “just let me lose my edge,”
My dear, that statement is a ledge
That I will not let you jump off…
Broken records keep repeating
Broken hearts, somehow, keep beating
Our scars are there to help reveal
That wounds somehow find ways to heal
And though the sun each day may set
We cannot let ourselves forget
That though the moon may wax and wane…
Everything’s mechanical these days
But no one seems to notice
Even the trees rise above us
Like some kind of clouds
That are perhaps running
Towards the sky
Or entrapping the ground all around you
But we never know…
For the longest time, it seems
All I wanted was dreams
All of the things that I said
Were simply thoughts in my head
No matter how hard I would try
I simply could not deny
My mind’s chance to instill…
Every time I’ve held it tight
It all has come unwound
But every time I’ve let it go
My hands have become bound
And every time I’ve given in
I’ve just let myself down…
I wanna scar my face for all to see
The way I feel’s your fault to me
Why can’t you just talk to me?
‘Cause being strong’s so hard to be
Now all I once thought that I knew
Has turned out fake, haven’t you?
And if you knew, you’d panic too…
I speak my words through onion breath
There’s more to what I say
To see beyond the surface
You must peel the layers away
The outside may look ugly
But dig through deeper down
Have an open mind…
I close my eyes, so I can’t see
Then open, still in front of me
What is it that you want from me?
All that you need, I want to be
You hide behind your thin white curtain
But you can’t bring yourself to burden
The one who’s there to help your health…
If I could, I would choose life for two
Life for her, yes, and even life for you
As much as you like life, she’d like it too
But, that choice is not right for you
You think it’d be easier to divide by two
Minus one, and end the life inside of you
Even though you do have the right to choose…
I can’t smile, sing, or laugh,
Or be happy, when I am half
I must ponder, my sweetest friend,
When shall we be one again?
For when I am but oh point five,
Barely do I feel alive
And when I am one over two,…
Gasping for breath, for truth, to be free
Struggling to break your hold over me
Your hands on my throat is not love, it’s not fair
Must be dumb, after all my brain’s not getting air
I know in your mind air is evil, no good
I can’t see, I don’t listen, but you think that I should
…
Impatiently we wait, far beneath the rain clouds
Crying out for water, yearning for relief
A gentle shower to tide us over
Till the heavens decide to inundate us with blessing
To reveal their mighty power
To demonstrate what we can be
What we were meant to be
What, deep within, we are…
I say I can’t deal with it anymore
But the very fact that I’m able to say that
shows that I have somehow found a way through thus far
That I do, in fact, possess the resolve somewhere
Whether deep inside me
Hidden, or freely available
And from this well I can draw the strength to carry on…
Wretched bones and tired look
Upon the beaten face
Torn flesh that stubbornly
Keeps old rags in place
Varied shades of grey
Cast upon unblinking brow
Sullen, sunken eyes…
You can’t see the happiness,
Or how much that you’ve helped,
You couldn’t see my heart,
Or the pain so long it felt.
You couldn’t see my problems,
Or the shit that I went through,
For all your help, for all you’ve done,…
Push me once more, you’ll receive
The pain you’ve inflicted on me
I’ll beat you till you flow with blood
But still, that will not be enough
I’ll bring my fist back to your face
The air you breathe is such a waste
My fist completes one more attack…
You’ve been so blessed with an enlightened way
You see the world in varied shades of grey
You know it all too very, very well
You’re forced to keep it to yourself….
You see what others always fail to see
You watch them act the way you want to be
You know it more than anybody else…
It’s never quite the way you thought it would be
Always a little off
Puzzles with imaginary solutions
And temporary fixes
For temporary complications
And things unseen
But felt by the heart…
A puzzle, it seems,
Where all pieces have their place,
Except the odd piece out.
I feel like him, these days.
I’ve tried, but I give up.
In this world, I.. just don’t fit.
It just isn’t meant for me,
This just isn’t it.…
Maybe I should jump
And see who’d catch me if I fell
And if nobody did
I guess it would be just as well.
‘Cause if nobody cares
Enough to save me from a fall
I guess that they won’t miss me…
Head in my hands
And heart in the trash
The scene so familiar
Just old and rehashed
All that I live for’s
Just reasons to laugh
All that surrounds me’s
All I can’t have…
I put it all behind me,
But I always turn around,
Just when I think it’s straightened out,
It all turns upside-down.
Just when I get back to my feet,
The ground on which I stand,
Is pulled away from me so fast,…
It was just a touch
A brief moment of contact
And even though I didnt know you
It changed me
Even though you were a stranger
You opened my eyes
You looked deep inside of me…
Adrift amid desolate water
I recollect the depths this surface hides
This surface, this thin boundary
Lies between the different sides
As I think of when I visited
The depths of water Grey,
I see the depth beneath me’s…
I’ve got an idea!
Let’s jump to conclusions!
When we don’t even realize,
We’re lost in confusion!
We’re all about freedom,
We’re free speech’s minions,
We preach acceptance,…
Ignorance lifted up, high on a pedestal
The dumb are treated as gods,
I may not be that popular,
But I’m glad to be what they’re not.
The happiest fools the whole world over,
For ignorance is bliss,
All things valued greatly by them…
Excuse me while I vomit
While I spill my insides here before you
Excuse me while I throw up
The words and feelings placed upon me
Please excuse me while I turn myself inside-out
While I show the world what lies within me
For anyone who has the courage to look…
It comes when not needed,
And flees when it is,
Makes a grand entrance,
Then leaves with a kiss,
It starts off simple,
Then quickly unfolds,
It’s the worst thing to happen,…
I feel myself inside
Bleeding,
A permanent wound upon my heart,
The gash spread wide.
With each beat of my heart
I lose a part of myself.
My blood, my life…
In the gentle depth of introspection I concede,
That in the wreck of my defects in you I find a need.
My constant thoughts that center on a future filled with you,
Are nothing next to the effects of finding out they’re true.
My love for you, try as I might, just cannot be expressed,
Caught in the wind of love again, you are my one request.
I yearn for days ahead when I instead can hold you close,…
On lonely nights I sit,
And trace my thoughts across the sky,
And watch them form the visions,
Of the lives of you and I.
I dream of days to come,
When the distance disappears,
And thank the Lord in Heaven,…
I care not what you do
I care not where you go
I only care about the fact
That I told you so.
Times when I was crying
Never once lifted your brow
And now that we have switched positions…
Skin is made of razorblades
Eyes are cold as steel
Touching her that day created
Pain that I still feel.
Slicing fingers, hands, and arms
Harming me beyond repair
Stumbling backwards, far in shock…
Reflection in the water
The face inside that’s me
Ripples break the surface
Like waves among the sea
Rain falls down in torrents
As the lightning lights the sky
Dreams may fall and crumble…
Wasted so many tears
Crying over you,
Wasted so many days
Believing what’s not true.
I wasted so many nights
With you on my mind,
Wasted so much of life…
Never have I needed help
I’ve always made it through myself
But this time I doubt I can take it
And no longer can I fake it
No longer can I cry at night
I’ve lost my strength and will to fight
I just can’t take it anymore…
I look and all I fucking see
Are memories of you and me
Reminding of pain carved into
A fading memory of you
What you don’t want, you cannot miss
The damage done cannot be fixed
Much less by a five lettered word…
Second best at most,
But mostly second best,
And lying words so often heard,
Don’t give my patience rest.
So I try to ignore them,
But the problem only grows,
I fight the hate with love,…
Through distances I feel you,
Even though you’ve left,
And things may now be perfect,
But soon they’ll be a mess.
For underneath the surface,
Complications lurk,
And even though you might deny,…
And so, I see, it’s come to this,
Fate’s gone against our strongest wish,
And though I wish that you were here,
I cannot make you reappear.
But even if to me you came,
Things would never be the same,
I’d just be left to wonder when,…
Three times since, and three times then,
Three times to realize I can’t win.
And now I see it’s three strikes out,
There’s nothing left to care about.
For me, caring brings only pain,
I cannot take that risk again.
And so, I’ll hide my love away,…
You know I’d get rid of you if I could.
But I can’t seem to get rid of you,
Like you got rid of me.
So I take my hands off your neck,
And stop choking you.
As I let you go,
In my mind,…
Don’t tell me not to be sad.
You don’t know what it’s like.
You were everything to me,
And I lost you.
I lost everything.
Don’t tell me not to be sad,…
Many things are difficult in life,
But very few things are beyond difficult.
Seeing you love another as you loved me,
Falls into the second category.
The coldness I feel, is another’s warmth.
The sadness I feel, is another’s joy.
The hunger I feel, is another’s feast.…
I lay down and rest,
Like my finger resting on the trigger.
Oops, my finger slipped,
Like your love when it slipped away from me…
Oops, I tripped.
I was just running to catch your love,
And besides……
I’d like to take this time,
To thank you.
To thank you for everything you’ve done,
To, and for me.
Thanks for giving me time alone.
It sure is wonderful.
I thought I had a lot of time alone before,
But this is incredible.…
I hate to ask,
Because if I don’t,
Then you can’t say no,
And I can’t be rejected.
I can live inside a false hope that maybe,
Just maybe,
Your love is still hidden away,…
Looking, I see reminders,
Reminders of things long past,
Reminders of us.
I try to block the memories,
But it’s hard to ignore the loss of…
Such a wonderful person.
…
As the sun sets every day,
So do my dreams fade away.
As the wind of winter blows,
So’s the door of my hopes closed.
As the stars refuse to die,
With the dead my wishes lie.…
I’ve been thinking, you know,
About us, this, and that,
How much I find I miss you,
And how much I want you back.
We now exist in one lone place;
The land inside my head,
Visions of us keep me alive,…
When life overwhelms,
In sleep, I find peace,
It’s the one place in life,
Where I find relief.
The one place where I,
Have nothing to fear,
The place where my problems,…
I’m so empty here without you,
All I do is think about you,
All I want is your sweet touch,
I want and need your love so much.
I miss the good times that we shared,
I wish you acted like you cared,
I wish I wasn’t so alone,…
I’m sorry for the things I’ve said,
You know I didn’t mean them
And this whole time that you’ve been gone,
I’ve prayed I was just dreaming
And though we’ve done each other wrong,
You still give my life meaning…
I shiver in the moonlight,
And look up at the stars,
My body is so cold,
Without the warmth that is your arms.
I sit here and I wonder,
If I’ll make it through the week,
Cause going on is harder,…
From whence it was, and whence it came,
And since it was, was not the same,
And since the name, was spoken back,
The things it loved, were turned to black.
And black they were, though black is not,
Black as could be, before it’s stopped,
And left to be, held back before,…
Everything is going well,
How long until it falls?
I finally have everything,
When will I lose it all?
Can this be reality?
Or just a euphoric delusion?
Can things be this good?…
How long is forever?
And will it ever end?
And if it never does,
Then how did it ever begin?
When forever comes,
How will we know it’s here?
I guess we’ll never know,…
With my every breath,
With all I have left,
From the deepest depths,
Of my heart, I love you.
With all of my strength,
With miles of length,
Every thought I think,…
The young man who feels so old,
Had stumbled through his life,
He tried to do what he was told,
But never did things right.
He did the best he could,
But failure always brought him down,
He tried to smile like he should,…
Last night I experienced perfection,
Everything was perfect between us,
The only way it could be better,
Would be if she could have seen us.
I was happy, you were happy,
We loved each other so much,
I fought to stay forever,…
I see myself in another place,
And see a person with my face,
Who looks and acts and talks like me,
Compared to me, fits perfectly.
As I watch, I see it’s me,
It’s how I felt, internally,
It’s me as I traveled through life,…
Skin is thin and unbroken,
Like words of hate, left unspoken,
Until the blade of conflict cuts,
The skin that spreads, as opened up.
The blood flows out like crimson streams,
Surrounds and drowns the strongest screams,
Until the river Red runs dry,…
Suffocate me with words of hate,
Drown me in feelings of scorn,
Choke me with your evil thoughts,
Stab me with your thorns,
Asphyxiate my happiness,
Take away its breath,
Pound the nails into its skin,…
When I think of you,
In my heart I feel pain,
For then I realize,
I won’t see you again.
Fondly I think back,
To childhood memories,
When you were much younger,…
I took the knife at night,
And pressed the blade against my skin,
And thought if only I could die,
Maybe then at least I’d win.
And if I won, what would I gain?
Release from temporary pain,
Until the numbness fades away,…
Last night, I dreamt of perfection,
Everything was perfect between us,
We were how we used to be,
It was perfect, you should have seen us.
I was happy, you were happy,
We loved each other so much,
I fought to stay asleep,…
I soar on wings of broken dreams,
And heed the facts as mere warnings,
And hurt the ones who love me most,
Then wonder why we can’t get close.
I see the beauty in your eyes,
And silently I wonder why,
We can’t get closer than we are,…
The lies flow like water,
The hate pours out like rain,
Fear and confusion settle in,
Joy’s been all but slain.
Lured me into your web,
Baited me into your trap,
Disoriented and confused,…
Laying on the beach
On a cool summer’s night
You within my reach
Bathed in pale moonlight
All at once we’re taken
Lifted high above the clouds
I look and try to make them…
You love me, don’t you?
Then why can’t you show it?
If you really did,
Wouldn’t you let me know it?
You love me, don’t you?
Then why don’t we do things?
If you’re tired of old things,…
Sometimes I feel I’m falling,
And can’t come back again,
And however hard I’m trying,
That I can never win.
I feel there’s nothing left,
Each corner now explored,
There’s nothing to look forward to,…
What would life be like,
If we had never met?
Where would we both be,
If there was nothing to forget?
How would my life be,
If we never got together?
Would I still be happy,…
All my life I’ve searched
For someone to truly care
Someone I can always talk to
Someone that’s always there
Someone who won’t let me down
And if they do will bring me back up
One who makes me happy inside…
There! I can see it!
Love within my grasp!
I reach for it, it slips away,
I knew it wouldn’t last.
Now life has drained away,
Smashed up all my dreams,
Breaking down and broken,…
I love you more than life itself
For life itself is worthless
Without someone with which to share
The beauty of life’s purpose
I love you more than you can know
You’ve helped more than you can imagine
I once was lonely, now I see…
From your beautiful hair,
To your cute little hands,
To the clothes that you wear,
To the way that you dance,
Your cute little nose,
The way you’re so sweet,
The beauty that goes,…
At night when I’m alone
And I’m lying in my bed
These things, they talk to me
They live inside my head
I don’t know what they say
But I’m overcome with fear
I’m trying to ignore them…
What’s the point of trying,
When all you do is wrong?
What’s the point of crying,
When no one hears your song?
What’s the point of love,
When nothing goes your way?
What’s the point of effort,…
I see from across the room
In his direction you stare
Silently I wonder
Why it’s him for whom you care
Your every breath, your every thought
Consumed with visions of him
Every course of action, every move you make…
I want you to know
A few simple things
The hate that you’ve caused
And the sadness it brings
I want you to know
What you’ve done to me
How it tears me apart…
Our days are slipping away
Just out of our grasp
There goes another day
Gone into the past
They never seem to last
At all very long
So while these moments pass…
You look at this world with hatred
Anger burns in your heart
All the things that have been said
Are tearing your life apart
Sadness overwhelms you
You cry all day and night
The things you try to do…